Did you know there’s a service out there called Twitter? Apparently, it can be linked to anything anyone says ever in real time. Because of this, I figured what better way to follow the NHL free agent frenzy. I signed up to Twitter just so I could become one with the suddenly sentient NHL public construct.
As it turns out, when you do this you become much like Neo or Jesus; able to see and hear all that is going on in NHL team offices. I plan on abusing this power as soon as possible. In the meantime, here’s some of the stuff that happened on Twitter during the free agent craziness:
fla_owner24 – I’ll ask again: Who approved the Bouwmeester trade? FUCK!
bmurray – 2 minutes to midnight. Talking to Dany. Agents for our UFAs forming a line outside door.
ciggysather – It’s UFA time! Pants. Are. Off.
bgainey – @ciggysather: Speaking of pants…did I leave mine at your place yesterday?
bigburke – I’m floating a generic 5 year, $25M deal to all UFAs right now.
dheatley – @bmurray: Thought the trade was to NYR or SJ?
bmurray – Dany’s agent just left, walked past the lined-up agents and slapped each one in the head.
bgainey – @mcammalleri: If you tell everyone you signed because of Gomez, I’ll add a year and $1m per.
thecolt – @bigburke: DONE!
bigburke – @thecolt: Shut it, Colton. We already signed you a few minutes ago.
bigburke – Just so everyone is brought up to speed, remember that I am the best.
theheater1 – @bmurray: NO SNOWY WILDERNESS FOR ME, LISPY
dsutter – @fla_owner: hmmmmberhhmmmmbrrrrrrrrgrrrumbbbbrumble…hahaha…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
bmurray – @theheater1: Dany?
bigburke – Anyone? We’re talking 5 years. FIVE. And 25 big large ones. US.
kubiekoob – @bigburke: Extension?!? YES!
bigburke – @kubiekoob: Hell no. in fact, you’re off to ATL. Go ruin their PP.
mkomisarek – @bigburke: 5Yrs for $25M. OK.
dtallon – Just signed a guy for TWELVE years, too! Eat it, Holland.
bigburke – @mkomisarek: Hmmm…How about you take 5y, $20M?
dheatley – @bmurray: I want to go to a contender. I thought we discussed this.
mkomisarek – @bigburke: You just offered $25M!
droloson – @stambellini: Just give me one extra year! I’m 40, not dead!
bigburke – Left message with John Tavares’ agent. Hoping to get first offer in.
bigburke – @mkomisarek: What about $21M?
theheater1 – @bmurray: GIVE ME MY $4 MILLION, SPITTLELIPS
stambellini – @bmurray: Why aren’t you calling back?
gsnow – @bburke: Again with this shit? Seriously, get over it already.
stambellini – @droloson: No.
mkomisarek – @bigburke: God, you are a douche.
bigburke – @mkomisarek: OK…$22.5M, but that’s it.
bmurray – @dheatley: I’m confused.
theheater1 – @bmurray: THAT’S NOT HARD TO ACCOMPLISH, GRAMPS
ciggysather – @theheater1: Wow. Even I don’t talk to Murray like that and I’m an asshole.
ciggysather – @bmurray: Fuck this. Calling Gaborik
mkomisarek – @bigburke: Fine, I’ll take the $22.5M.
bigburke – Doesn’t get any better than me, folks.
droloson – Well, goodbye EDM. I’m going to LI. Gave me 2 yrs and a front office job.
bgainey – @habsmarketing: Try this for team press kit, “At least Spacek makes less than Redden!!”
jschoenfeld – Donald Brashear showed up at my office and stared at me. Signed him.
therick – @gsnow: Hey! My legs are fine. Really.
ciggysather – @jschoenfeld: WTF?
cfletcher – Good news, fans! Replaced our good, injury-prone winger with an older, not-as-good one.
gsnow – @therick: I’m sure they are, Ricky.
bigburke – BRB. Walked in front of a mirror.
mgaborik – @ciggysather: I’m in. I signed the stuff and sent it back.
stambellini – The Oilers are proud to annouce Nikolai Khabibulin as their new goalie.
droloson – @stambellini: Seriously? You gave him FIVE YEARS. He’s fucking 36!
droloson – @stambellini: I wanted 2 years and I’m 40. Do the goddamn math, Einstein.
jdavidson – @gbettman: Signed Ty. Can we get the outdoor game, now?
ciggysather – @mgaborik: Good. Eat it, NY sports press.
stambellini – FUCK!
ciggysather – @mgaborik: Lets do the press thing next weekend.
ciggysather – @mgaborik: Have to fly to MTL tomorrow and punch Gainey in the balls again.
gbettman – @jdavidson: No. Decided to play entire playoffs outdoors, rotating Crosby into each lineup.
ciggysather – @mgaborik: Marion?
supersid – @gbettman: Where’s my lunch, gimp?!?! I ordered that shit like 5 mins ago.
bgainey – @ciggysather: FUCK!
mgaborik – @ciggysather: This is Marion’s agent. Broke three fingers faxing the contract back to you.
bigburke – @bmurray: Wait? Chris Neil isn’t available anymore?
mgaborik – @ciggysather: And pulled his groin. Again.
bigburke – @bmurray: FUCK!
gbettman – @supersid: FUCK!
ciggysather – @mgaborik: FUCK!
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