Every Friday we sit down with a member of the Rangers family and ask them five questions. This week we almost score the first exclusive interview with the newest free agent messiah, Marian Gaborik.
Q: Welcome to another installment of Friday Five! This week we’re ecstatic to land the first interview with the Rangers big free agent acquisition, Marian Gaborik. So please welcome … WHAT THE?!! SEAN AVERY?!! What are you doing here?
SA: Helllllloooooo, New York!!! [Waves to no one.]
Q: Get out of here!!! What are you doing?!!
SA: I’m doing a cameo, douche. All the celebrities do it. [Waves again to no one.]
Q: This isn’t live TV, ass. There’s no one else here anyway. Get out of here! We’re supposed to interview Marian Gaborik? Where is he?
SA: F**k if I know. Why would you want to interview him anyway?
Q: Because the Rangers signed him yesterday to a multiyear deal. He’s going to save our franchise. Don’t you pay attention to these things? You do care about this team, right?
SA: Of course I care, knobslob! My blood bleeds Rangers blue! I knew about that deal like, weeks ago. I was just testing you. Go ahead and ask me what I think of the deal. Go ahead. Ask me.
Q: Jesus. Fine. Sean Avery, what do you think of the Marian Gaborik deal?
SA: What do I think? I think it’s awesome! He’s an incredible player and a great teammate. This is a phenomenal move. We’ll compete for a Cup, for sure. He’s the perfect complement player for Scott Gomez.
END OF INTERVIEW
