What Heatley Brings To The Table

What Heatley Brings To The Table

There are plenty of rumors flying about Dany Heatley coming to the Rangers. What could he do to improve the Rangers if he were traded here?

  • Score more goals than any other chump on this team put up last season.
  • Take a whole buttload of shots, since obviously taking 6th most in the league isn’t enough for the Rangers.
  • Score on a shot TWICE AS OFTEN AS THE AVERAGE RANGER.
  • Actually give the Rangers a forward who deserves to be at the All-Star Game.
  • Provide that speedy skill winger Scott Gomez fantasizes about at night.
  • Show Nik Zherdev how the hell you score on a power play.
  • Show Nik Zherdev how to put up an abysmal +/- to round out your fan ambivalence.
  • Commiserate with his new teammates about how sometimes you just have to quit on a coach you don’t like.
  • Can teach Henrik Lundqvist how to get to the Finals before choking.
  • Give Wade Redden and his contract a ride home from work.
  • His face can provide new Flyer Chris Pronger with a soft landing pad for elbows.

Goody gumdrops! Get it done, Sather. I can’t wait!