Rangerland Calendar, Spring/Summer 2009.

By
Mike
Published: June 14, 2009Posted in: Rangers
Rangerland Calendar, Spring/Summer 2009.

It’s a commentary on the state of affairs of hockey in New York, or at least around the best Ranger fans anywhere (i.e., here), that there has been exactly two posts on the front page of this site since the Rangers’ season ended a month and a half ago.  Nothing on what was the best second round in recent memory, nothing on the fact that the Stanley Cup winner is in our own division, and will have their core intact until well into the next decade.

So I thought I’d drop in, recap what our community has been up to lately, and offer up a schedule on what we can expect over the next few months, until the next season of “just good enough not to crap out entirely, yet bad enough never to go anywhere in the playoffs” begins.

April 29th – June 1st: Bemoaned end of season, and end of excuses to bitch about how much this team’s offense sucks, at least based on the Rangers’ on-ice play.  Found ways to bitch about how much this team’s offense sucks through creative, yet wholly unrealistic trade proposals and UFA signings.  Examples:

  • “We need an elite scorer.  Everyone except the player himself or anyone involved with his organization says that Vinny Lecavalier wants to be traded.  Dubinsky, who may never score 20 goals or 50 points in a season, MSG pariah Wade Redden, who probably has the most untradeable contract in the league right now, and a useless mid-round 1st rounder in 2009 and/or 2010 should get it done.”
  • “I think we should sign Antropov for three years at $3M per.  He’ll get offers for double that elsewhere, but he’s Russian (actually Kazakh, but whatever) and we have Brighton Beach.  He’s never scored more than 25 goals in a season, but let’s pencil him in for 40.”

For any future comments like this, make sure you send us Jerry’s form in triplicate, however, so we can properly ridicule you.

Leedsy and Derek say that one sexy Rangerland writer,
i.e. me, and a box of porn DVDs should do it.

June 1st – June 15th: Make approximately 17,317 dumb dick jokes involving the best player in the world (Hint: not Ovechkin, the guy who won the Cup) and Gary Bettman.

June 15th – July 1st: There’s a draft or something somewhere in this time frame, so look forward (no pun intended) to the Rangers completely ignoring their most glaring need, yet again, and drafting another defenseman and/or goaltender.  Spend at least a week gushing over the player’s OHL stats, and penciling him in for a Norris Trophy nomination in 2018.  Spend remainder of time making wild guesses at pending UFAs that the Rangers have no shot at landing, or if recent signings are any indication, that they are unfortunately absolutely in the running for.  Make guesses as to contract values that are at most half of what the players actually wind up signing for, on a total contract value and per annum basis.

July 1st – July 15th: Complain about lack of quality signings, or develop overly optimistic expectations about actual UFA signings, which will be crushed by the end of November.

Remember when, coming into the ‘08-’09 season,
we all thought this would be the best defense
since Leetch/Beuk? Yeah, me neither.

July 15th – September 1st: Wow.  Is there really going to be 6 weeks this summer where we’ll have nothing to talk about?  Does that mean I’ll actually have to leave my apartment on warm, summer weekend days?  Maybe A-Rod will go on a five-day PED bender or something.

September 1st – September 30th: Complain about why the stable of marginal NHL-talent youth isn’t being given a proper chance to crack the lineup, because of all the high-priced free agents Sather signed (which everyone supported at the time).

First week in October: Season opener!  They’ll be better this year, we promise!  Torts will make them run and gun!  Dubinsky will score 35 goals!  And Redden just needed a year to acclimate himself!  And, and, and…